Yes best of my learnings came when I failed to meet my expectations/societies !! One of the best example was my XII board exams, After screwing up physics exams I was in no mood to concentrate on rest of my exams - and I sticked to that with great guns when I should have sticled to my exam plans !! I almost went unprepared for rest of the exams and got a 84% overall. I knew my capabilities well I thought and decided to give another attempt - with gr8 support from my MOM and rest opposed to the plans of spending another year of sporadic studying !!
Like me, couple of my batchmates did opt that option either on their own or as per their parents suggestion. I remember 4 fella's Siva - Alias Kutti, Jayanth alias J/Pottu, Saravanakumar, Lenin. Till then I seldom spoke to those guys except J. J and me are very close from the day I joined basket team in BVB, we became best pals by that time. Everybody felt we could have done better and had various dreams. I wanted to go in BITS, J was suggested by his parents to take this path to join Medicine, Kutti wanted to join Top Engg college, Saravanakumar and Lenin wanted to get only to Medicine so they opted out of joining Engg even tho' they had good grades to join the same year !!
Me and Kutti started to go to tuitions to keep abreast with the study. We went together for Physics and Cemistry and we were thinking of doing it on our own for Math as we both were good in Math. Phyiscs tuition went well and chemistry was a sucker -atleast Kutti felt that very much - Wat da Am I telling the right thing ?? We attented tuitions and wrote tests with junior batch students, some were preparing from XI std !! Our preparation were ok considering our plans and targets we had set to achieve. I would say I was not doing the right thing, all cos of my last minute preparation that I habitutated till then (It continues till now -which I need to work on) and it costed me dearly as I could not prepare all 6 subjects and my dream of getting in to BITS has been moved to my Wish List !!
One incident still lingers very much in my mind vividly, since we did our own coaching for Math I had very little practise and when the D-Day for Math exams came - I asked a critical question to Kutti "Can I skip the Maths Exam" cos I thought I didn't prepare well for taking a public exam - All these thought came to me only 30 min b4 taking exams & not while I was not preparing seriously for the whole year, and Kutti (we became good friends by then) advised me to go ahead and take the exams stating you can always use the previous years marks(180) if this going to be low - but I was very sceptical as I don't want to score lower than previous resluts, but he gave me confidence to take the exam, so I went on to take the Math exam and to my surprise and Luck - I was able to crack all the questions, we discussed all the answers and found to be correct - I thought I will get a CENTUM. For the first time during my improvement life I felt I have taken the right decision and started to do the rest of the exams really well !! All these happened cos of one good soul - Kutti alias Siva - Thanks da, if it was not for you I wouldn't have taken the Math Xam !! Then the entrance exams for Engg came and we did better than previous year !!
If you all think my good time has started by then, it was BIG NO !! After 50 odd days of waiting results came!! First results were TNPCEE entrance results, it was 75+ out of 100, it was bad score consiering it was a second attempt and then the public results came - Atleast here I was hoping to see a CENTUM in Maths, and my eyes were searching for Maths score and to my biggest shock of my life - I got a 170+ !! I just noted down my other subject marks along with total and came out of the browsing center - void of any positive thoughts and completely filled with disappointment,hatred towards myslef and a humiliatng feeling, with intriguing questions going on in my mind (about relatives, friends, what will they ask/tell me about my score after second attempt). But I called my mom to inform that I have scored a low mark she asked me to come home and pacified me even after I brought home the bad grades !! She gave me hope and reinforced positive thoughts and she even bought me a book on SONY success - it all gave me a momentary energy but failed to boost me up for the next level of my life. That year Govt introduced a new scheme - To get a copy of answer sheets that we wrote. Mom forced me to apply for all papers and cos of huge expenses I had put only for Maths. Then papers sowed many of my correct answers were put wrong !! I applied for reevaluation and my score got corrected to 190+(I couldn't get that elusive CENTUM tho'), with that score I could enter in to BITS, Yes but the main difference was it was in South instead of North INDIA !!
That one year showed me the REAL LIFE !! Life void of friendship, whom to trust and whom I shouldn't, Humiliation, Defeat, Year I weighed more than ever, Losing self respect, behaving badly, Showed how laziness will bring down your Self Belief, and it gave me worst of the news in continuous manner !! One who supported me through this darkest hours of my life time is "Godess Of My Life" in the form of MOM. I Love You So Much for taking it all and supporting me like nobody else !! Best part is that you have renderred this to me when I should have made you proud by getting good grades in school - I couldn't but U DIDN'T STOP from your kindness. Next best support I got was from my dad who told he is ready to pay a donation and make me join in any college I was willing to - even in stiff financial situtation @ home - Dad you taught us basics of Math very well, but consciously you didnt teach us the Money value to show the real value of life - "Relationship" !! I can't Thank You both - Let me give you what you desired - in couple of years time - "Pursuit of My Life" & will invite you for the convocation, Day is not far !!
Everything Happens For Good !!
